Rollin with my gnomies

I love internet dating. Some people really abhor it but I can't understand why. I may or may not meet the man of my dreams online. I'm not worried. If nothing else it makes for great laughs with my friends and family.

So I get on to check my email and I have a new message from the dating site that I am using.

"My name is Gnomie. I am X years old. I am attractive, funny, and outgoing. Hey I couldn't upload more than 3 pics because you took up all the space. I was looking at your photos and you like the pittsburgh steelers. I don't care but why do you like the steelers? I noticed you liked doing guy things such as football, baseball basketball, hockey, and shooting pool. Are you sure you are not a guy in disguise? You are on here to meet someone and so am I. Email me back and we will see where it goes from there.
Gnomie"

WTF?! You insulted me thru that entire message. First with how many pictures I had up. Then with my choice of sports teams. Then with some of the things I like. I guess you didn't read the part where I talked about the girly stuff that I liked. Seriously. His profile is even better.

"I have a confession to make. I am such a typical sports guy that i actually get on my jersey. When I watch the game I hold the ball in my lap. If we end up together please schedule spa visits, shoe shopping, or male bashing with girlfriends during important tv sporting events. It will make both of our lives better. No crazy women please."

This week isn't a good week for me. There is a lot going on and I am feeling a little bitchy. I was telling one of my girl friends about Gnomie and how I wanted to reply with something. She came up with this:

Dear Gnomie,

I was going to ingore this but I thought that I would offer you some friendly

advice. You are never going to get a girl, or at least one worth a damn if you

talk to them like that. You are presumptous and rude. Not all girls feel the need to go shoe shopping and go to the spa. I would rather sit there and cheer for my team. And as for the Steelers, I do not care if you care or not who I root for. I have a lot of pride in my hometown team, not something a lot of people can say about the Bengals. And really...a ball in your lap? Why? That is just weird. You are definitly not half as cool as you think you are. Good luck meeting someone, you are going to need it."

I will, of course, send something a little nicer and shorter. I don't think that even I could be that mean. But seriously. What is wrong with the men in the Cincinnati area!?