I love it when you call me Big Pop-pa

So this morning I stopped at the Starbucks in the Kroger by my house on my way to work. I order and am standing off to the side when two men come and get into line. One is younger, late 20's/early 30's, and the other guy is older. If I had to guess I would say mid 40's. Well the older guy comes over to me and strikes up a conversation; asking me why there are no samples out. I laugh and tell him I don't know. So we start talking about the different Starbucks in the area and he said he just came from the one a few miles away. I start laughing and ask him if he was really hitting up two in one morning. He smiles and says yep. Big Pop-pa then proceeds to knuckle pound me. Seriously. My coffee is taking forever to make and he talks to me the entire time. It was sweet and made me giggle.

So last night. I was going out to dinner with a bunch of women that I am friends with. We all meet up once a month; it's great fun. This month the eatery just happened to be the place where Harley works. I know the way that the universe works and just knew that he would be there. I make sure that I look super cute. Not only is he there but he is our server. What have I done to deserve this? Nothing. I'm an adult and I can handle this but talk about awkward.

The ladies that I'm out with all know about him. They engage me in conversation every time he comes to the table. Asking about guys that I'm seeing, talking to, etc. It's quite funny. Every time that Harley walks by he stares at me and smiles. I of course ignore him but the women around me notice it. They get real defensive and say that he had two chances and blew them and if he was smart he wouldn't be acting like a 3rd grader with a crush around me. He was jumping up and hitting the lights as he walked by. "Ooh look at me. I'm a big strong man. I can jump and hit the lights that are hanging from the ceiling." Seriously. The two ladies sitting closest to me wanted to pull him aside and tell him he was acting like a fool. Moms (going out with these women make me feel like I have 13 of them, it's great). Gotta love them. Whatever.

I didn't talk to him except for when it was necessary but I wasn't mean. I was super polite. I even made sure that no one stiffed him on a tip. I didn't want to be that bitch. So we agree on where we are going to meet next month, and everyone leaves. I'm sitting at home later and my phone starts beeping. Guess who I just got a text from. Yep. I can't believe it. I haven't heard from him in weeks (not that I've wanted to) and just because I wasn't mean to him he thinks it's okay to talk to me. I don't think so. He asks for his movie back. I don't respond. He sends me another text later saying that by not responding he guesses that the answer is no. No fool. You will get your movie back but I don't have to talk to you to do it. I know you work on Thursdays now. Next Thursday I will run by the restaurant and drop it off with a note to make sure he gets it. This will of course be done before he gets to work. I have nothing else to say to him.

Boys are dumb. Hopefully the ones I've gone out with thus far aren't a good representation of the general population. Is there something tattooed across my forehead that I'm not seeing? And does anyone know where I can get it removed at?

McLuvin

So there is no way I'm going out with this guy but I couldn't help myself from sharing him with the rest of you.

So I'm online talking to one of my girl friends when I get a message asking if I wanted to accept a message from McLuvin (there are more letters and numbers in there but out of concern for his privacy I have left them out). I'm thinking, okay. WTF? So I accept it and find out it is one of the guys from an online dating site that I haven't talked to in over a week. He's persistent. Okay. Fine.

He actually asked me if his screen name was corny. Oh course it is fool, (only a 12 year old boy would pick that as a screen name) but I tell him I think it is funny, which it is. McLuvin proceeds to tell me that I'm the only person he has talked to so far. How sweet. An Internet dating virgin. Poor kid. Is he in for some rude awakenings or what? I remember my first time....but that is a story for another day.

Okay. So we are chatting and he seems sweet until I learn that he has stalker like tendencies. He swears up and down that he has seen me before in at least one of the places that I frequent. I tell him he must be mistaken. He says that I'm wrong and that he knows he has seen me around town before. I tell McLuvin I'm pretty good with faces and that I don't ever remember seeing him before.

He finally lets that go and tells me he has something he wants to be up front about. I'm scared at this point. I have a very over active imagination and there are all kinds of scenarios running thru my head. He's gotten two DUI's within the past two years. Okay fine. Everyone makes mistakes and it can really happen to anyone. Then he goes on to say that he won't go out anymore unless he has a DD lined up for the night or knows that someone will come and get him. I ask him if he ever just goes out for a drink and stops at one or two. Can you guess what his answer is? He answers no. End of conversation.

Not going down that path again. That's one of those mistakes that I've actually learned from and don't wish to repeat. Now all I have to do is let him down gently. I'm not very good at letting people down gently. Does a member of the A-Team (you know which one you are) want to take a crack at this for me?

Jason Bateman

So it starts on Jan 16th. I get a message from a guy online that my friends think looks like Jason Bateman. That of course isn't his real name so let's just call him JB for the time being.

He seems sweet. Tall, good looking, called me cutie twice in one email. Why do men like to call women cutie? As far as pet names go, that is one of my least favorites. He gives me his number and real email address. OK cool. I send him an email back from my real email address and give him my cell number.

JB sends me a text right away. We banter back and forth and he calls me later that night. I like him so far. Thursday I have to babysit and he thinks its great that I am good with kids. We talk after the kids go to bed. He is a die hard Bengals fan and is mean to me. I am from Pittsburgh so you can only imagine where this is going. Whatever. Other than that we had a great conversation. I complain to one of my girl friends and she states this is the third grade equivalent of throwing stuff at you. It means he likes you.

We talk all weekend and agree to meet for dinner on Tuesday. He tells me that he wants to take me out on a dinner date. Awesome. So it's Monday afternoon and I haven't heard from him since Sunday night. I send JB a text asking him if we are still on. He replies with a hardy you bet we are and asks me what kind of food I like and what part of town I live in again. I tell him I'll eat just about anything, not super fond of Indian food, and I tell him again what part of town I live in. We agree on a time, 7:30 pm, but still haven't picked a place yet.

It's now Tuesday. Date day. I don't hear from JB all day. At quarter till 5 I send him a message asking him if he was going to tell me where we were going for dinner or did I have to guess. Nothing. At 5:40 I call and leave him a voice mail. Still nothing. Whatever Jerkface. I ended up grabbing Outback with my mom and a girl friend. All in all I had a much better night. I was able to eat exactly what I wanted and do it while watching TV in my sweats.

I was hoping that he would call so that I could ignore his lame excuses for what hadn't happened but oh well. Once again I get to experience the sweet satisfaction I get out of deleting a number from my cell phone. I don't understand men; I don't want to. I'm pretty sure I'm happier not knowing.

A look at last year Part III (Wrapping it up)

It's now the weekend past Thanksgiving. I've been out on a few first dates but nothing more. Not one guy I've gone out with has really grabbed my attention. That's quite alright. I'm not about to settle.

You will never guess who I hear from... yep that's right, Harley. I was super surprised and not to say a little stunned. Especially when I get texts from him that read "Just wanted to say happy belated thanksgiving". So I ask who it is as I don't recognize the number. I get this reply, "Harley you probably deleted my number I also wanted to say I am sorry for how things went." I'm thinking okay. He shoots another one off, "I also realized just how big a mistake I made and wanted to apologize to you, and see if we still could be friends?" Sure why not. We really only hung out a week before you went and were a jerkface. So I tell him this (without the jerkface part) and proceed to ask him how his Thanksgiving went. He goes, "My weekend sucks because I am beginning to think I made a mistake, a mistake which screwed up 5 months." Seriously. I couldn't make this crap up if I tried. "Do you think there would be any chance to get back to what we had or is it done and over?" (Yes I have these gems word for word. This kind of poetry doesn't fall into your lap everyday. I made sure to email these to myself for a good laugh at a later date. LATER DATE.)

I'm not usually one for second chances but what the hell. He passed the bullshit meter of one of my besties the first time. She was super stunned when he turned out to be a jerk in July. I liked him. Harley is good looking, pretty smart, and has a lot of things that I'm looking for in a man. So he is calling/texting me everyday. He comes over a few times that week and then exams start. I don't hear from him for an entire week. Whatever Jerkface. I delete his number and plan to move on. During this time I meet, let us call him Canada, online. Yes I do the online dating. I've tried just about every medium there is for dating at least once. Hell. I did online dating before online dating was popular. Call me a pioneer.

Canada and I have great phone conversations. He seems pretty cute. So we decide to meet in person a week after initially meeting. First meeting goes well. He is a little shorter than I usually like my men to be but I'm hoping that I can deal with this. Guess who pops back into my life this same day? Go on guess. Drum roll please. Harley. With some lame ass excuse that I of course buy. So now I am talking to two guys who are both leaving to go on their respective vacations from the middle of December to the New Year.

During the two weeks that they are gone I hear from both of them. Awesome. Then it happens again. Canada gets back from his vacation and I get a weird, kinda lame, generic message from him. He was my facebook friend so I go and check out his page. In a relationship. WTF? What is wrong with these men that don't have the guts to tell you straight up. So I delete his number and ignore all of his requests for communication. I don't need an explanation. You were too short for me anyways.

This leaves me all alone with Harley. He surprises me on New Years Eve by being back a few days early to work so I go up and see him at work. He knew that my friends and I weren't going to pay the cover to get in for the NYE party so he wanted to wait until it all died down before he called. He gets off work and we hang out at his place until 5am. He comes over Wednesday night for dinner and movies. I think that things are going pretty good. Friday night before he goes to work he drops off a movie that my mom and sister mentioned that they wanted to watch. How sweet is that?

My friends and I go out to said restaurant that Harley works at for drinks. Two of our group are leaving on Saturday morning so we wanted one last hurrah together. I ask Harley if he would mind being my ride home. He says sure. We don't sit in his section because he is working and I don't want to bother him. I get nice and toasted and at 2am go to look for him so that he can take me home or we can hang out for a little or whatever. HE IS GONE. I call him a handful of times and only leave one message. He never answers. Saturday I call him and tell him I was drunk and sorry if I sounded bitchy the night before, I didn't mean to. And I ask him what happened that he left without telling me. (He was my ride.) I don't hear back from him. I don't hear from him until Monday night. I had sent a text asking him if we were still talking because I had been getting mixed signals from him and I was super confused. He sends "With all said and done I don't know." Excuse me? What has been said and done? I'm super confused and at this point super done. Whatever Jerkface! He gets deleted from my phone and my life.

My life is not a game of baseball. There is no three strikes and you are out rule. I give one chance and if you blow it that's it. I've saved myself a lot of heartache over the years sticking to that. I don't know what made me change my mind for Harley but I won't do it again. I don't like making the same mistakes over and over again. I like making new ones and learning from them (or at least pretending to learn from them). That way I can pass on my knowledge to others.

A look at last year Part II

July rolls around and in this round about way I'm introduced to this guy that works with a friend of mine. He's cute. I'm single. I give him my number on Thursday. He calls and we set something up for Friday. I'll just refer to him as Bud.

Bud and I meet at Outback and have a great dinner. I don't want the night to end just yet so I invite him out with my girl friends and I for drinks. He imbibes, I don't. Someone has to drive right? We have a blast. He tells me in the car on the way back to his car that my friends aren't like typical girls and that we all rock. Awesome.

I guess you could say that Bud and I start dating. We spend a whole bunch of time together. I meet his friends. He comes to a party at my house. We hit the month mark. I start spending Saturday nights at his house. This is when the trouble starts. Never mind a friend of his has moved in with him and is the roommate from hell. Bud is a drinker. Serious drinker. I learn that he has to have a beer as soon as he wakes up in the morning. Drinks until he goes to work. Gets off work and drinks until he passes out. Not cool. I hide this all from my friends and family who of course already know (they are some smart ladies, let me tell you).

October rolls around and I can't take it anymore. I'm miserable. I have developed a smokers cough from being around all the second hand smoke. (Bud also smoked. Huge turn-off for me. What was I thinking?) Things end. I won't go into the details.

Dating an alcoholic is never fun. Dating someone who doesn't realize that they are an alcoholic is even worse. Drinking more than 12 beers in a 24-hour-period is not normal, and is not healthy. Drinking from the minute you get up until the minute you pass out is never a good sign. I was being bad. Bud was a huge ego boost for me. Looking back I don't know how I could have thought that at the time but oh well. We all learn from our mistakes right?

A look at last year Part I

So 2007 was a bit of a crapshoot when it came to dating. Not to say that I didn't date but nothing went over too well.

First let's take a look at June and meeting Harley.
Harley was/is a bartender/server at one of the local restaurants here in Cincy. It was a Friday night and I didn't really want to go out but was forced to by a friend of mine. Boy am I glad I did. I meet Harley, he gets us good and toasted, and I give him my number. He calls me that night (granted it was like 2am but still) and we set up a date for the next day. He picks me up on his Harley. That's right kids, a Harley. I am a sucker for bikes. They make me hot. I want to be a bike bitch so bad but back to my story. He picks me up at noon and we cruise, grab lunch and ice cream, and get back to my house at 4. Mom and neighbor are outside pretending to wash said neighbors car just to be there when I got home. Nosy bitches, but I love them.

So for the next week Harley is at my house everyday. Calling/texting when he isn't there. The only thing that sucks is he is leaving for vacation and will be gone for a week. Whatev. I can deal. He leaves and I hear from him a few times. Ok. He's on vacation. Just because he said he would talk to me everyday doesn't mean that he has to. The weekend before he is due to come home I get this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Something isn't right. Everyone is telling me not to worry but I feel otherwise.

Monday morning, two weeks after meeting, Harley is home and I still haven't heard from him. Weird. So I check his myspace page. "In a relationship" WTF? With who? It sure as heck isn't me. So I send him a text and learn that he got together with a girl who lives in/around the same city as his mother in GA. You have got to be kidding me. Thanks for nothing myspace. Oh well. It was only two wasted weeks. I wasn't about to waste my time being angry so I deleted his number and moved on.

It's only just begun....

I'll give everyone an update on my adventures in dating just as soon as I get a chance. I can promise that most posts will be entertaining because life is never dull when you are out on the prowl...