Yesterday was St Patrick's Day. One of my favorite holidays and this year it makes it to the top of "The most bizarre holidays I've had" list. (I don't have many bizarre holidays. That's why it was able to make the list. Aside from my dating experiences I lead a normal life.)
I'm sitting around minding my own business when I get a text from a number that I don't recognize.
"Hi Cincy"
Ummm. WTF? They use my name? So I shoot back a text asking who it is.
"Gives real name"
I'm thinking to myself that I only know one guy with that name so I check my backup number list. It's where numbers go when I "delete" them from my phone. Nope doesn't match the number of the person I thought it belonged to. Crap. In the meantime I shoot back this generic message asking him how he was to buy myself some more time. We exchange a few more texts and I'm starting to get an idea of who it might be, especially after he said that we first met about a year ago. Not being 100% sure, I come clean and ask him how we know each other.
"We talked for a few weeks but never met."
That was all I needed but Jason Bateman decided to send me his picture to refresh my memory. You have got to be kidding me! You blow me off, pretend it never happened, and now, a year later, are texting me?
Jason Bateman starts asking how things have been, if I'm seeing anyone, etc. I don't want to answer but at this point I'm too intrigued not to so I keep the conversation going a bit longer.
Me: So what made you drop me a line?
JB: Always thought u were sweet. Wanted to talk
Me: Ok. So are you seeing anyone?
JB: Yea, i am
Me: Congrats. How long have you been dating your girlfriend?
JB: Bout 14 months
At this point I don't answer Jason Bateman back. You remember me being sweet a year after the fact. Did you tell your girlfriend how sweet I am? I doubt it. Does she know you are sending your picture to me? Probably not. Jerkface. I remember what an ass you turned out to be and I'm sure that she would like to know too. I'm guessing that she is the reason that we never went out in the first place. She can have you. I don't need sloppy seconds.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
Deliciously White Trash
So since I've been doing the whole dating online thing since before it was popular I have some great stories. What follows happened well over 9 years ago, while I was still in high school.
So back in the day before Match.com and the like I used Yahoo. They had some kind of personals section where you could search for people, blah, blah, blah. The best part was it was free, bonus! These were the days where my parents were still leery of me meeting strange men over the internet. Not that they still aren't leery whenever I go to meet someone new but at least now I don't have to have anyone with me.
Yes you read that correctly. Have someone with me. I did it. I admit it. One of my fondest dates included me, the dude, and my younger brother. And by fondest I mean worst. Cletus and I meet on Yahoo. He had one photo and it was kind of grainy but he looked cute.
Cletus and I exchanged an email or two and then phone numbers. We talked on the phone every night for 2-3 weeks and then decided to meet. This being one of my first experiences with online dating my mom decided that my younger brother had to go along with me. I fought it at first and when she told me it was either that or not going at all I gave in and took him along. Thank goodness I did.
We meet at a local bowling alley. My brother and I get there first and were just kinda hanging out watching the people around us. There are a lot of interesting characters around us and we both focus in on one that is walking our way. No way. Dude is wearing acid wash jeans, a white t-shirt, cowboy boots, and an unbuttoned flannel shirt that had the sleeves torn off. Did I mention the mullet? Yep. Cletus had a mullet. Oh and he looked nothing like his grainy picture. It was bad.
We were only one game into the night and I was having a horrible time. I was thinking to myself how I was going to get out of this one when it hit me. I waited until Cletus went to the restroom and then told my brother we were going to get out of there and to just follow my lead. Cletus gets back and before starting another game I tell him that we had to leave because my brother had a project to finish waiting for him at home and we were going to have to cut the night short. I'm sure he knew that I was trying to fib my way out of this date but at this point I didn't care. I wanted out.
We returned our balls and shoes and said good night at the door. Cletus kinda looked like he was expecting a hug but I gave a little wave and walked with my brother to the car. It was a very awkward night, not just because I had my brother with me but this guy looked nothing like his picture. Don't put outdated photos of yourself on your profile. It's just stupid. You aren't going to fool anyone, especially me.
So back in the day before Match.com and the like I used Yahoo. They had some kind of personals section where you could search for people, blah, blah, blah. The best part was it was free, bonus! These were the days where my parents were still leery of me meeting strange men over the internet. Not that they still aren't leery whenever I go to meet someone new but at least now I don't have to have anyone with me.
Yes you read that correctly. Have someone with me. I did it. I admit it. One of my fondest dates included me, the dude, and my younger brother. And by fondest I mean worst. Cletus and I meet on Yahoo. He had one photo and it was kind of grainy but he looked cute.
Cletus and I exchanged an email or two and then phone numbers. We talked on the phone every night for 2-3 weeks and then decided to meet. This being one of my first experiences with online dating my mom decided that my younger brother had to go along with me. I fought it at first and when she told me it was either that or not going at all I gave in and took him along. Thank goodness I did.
We meet at a local bowling alley. My brother and I get there first and were just kinda hanging out watching the people around us. There are a lot of interesting characters around us and we both focus in on one that is walking our way. No way. Dude is wearing acid wash jeans, a white t-shirt, cowboy boots, and an unbuttoned flannel shirt that had the sleeves torn off. Did I mention the mullet? Yep. Cletus had a mullet. Oh and he looked nothing like his grainy picture. It was bad.
We were only one game into the night and I was having a horrible time. I was thinking to myself how I was going to get out of this one when it hit me. I waited until Cletus went to the restroom and then told my brother we were going to get out of there and to just follow my lead. Cletus gets back and before starting another game I tell him that we had to leave because my brother had a project to finish waiting for him at home and we were going to have to cut the night short. I'm sure he knew that I was trying to fib my way out of this date but at this point I didn't care. I wanted out.
We returned our balls and shoes and said good night at the door. Cletus kinda looked like he was expecting a hug but I gave a little wave and walked with my brother to the car. It was a very awkward night, not just because I had my brother with me but this guy looked nothing like his picture. Don't put outdated photos of yourself on your profile. It's just stupid. You aren't going to fool anyone, especially me.
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