What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

Yesterday was St Patrick's Day. One of my favorite holidays and this year it makes it to the top of "The most bizarre holidays I've had" list. (I don't have many bizarre holidays. That's why it was able to make the list. Aside from my dating experiences I lead a normal life.)

I'm sitting around minding my own business when I get a text from a number that I don't recognize.

"Hi Cincy"

Ummm. WTF? They use my name? So I shoot back a text asking who it is.

"Gives real name"

I'm thinking to myself that I only know one guy with that name so I check my backup number list. It's where numbers go when I "delete" them from my phone. Nope doesn't match the number of the person I thought it belonged to. Crap. In the meantime I shoot back this generic message asking him how he was to buy myself some more time. We exchange a few more texts and I'm starting to get an idea of who it might be, especially after he said that we first met about a year ago. Not being 100% sure, I come clean and ask him how we know each other.

"We talked for a few weeks but never met."

That was all I needed but Jason Bateman decided to send me his picture to refresh my memory. You have got to be kidding me! You blow me off, pretend it never happened, and now, a year later, are texting me?

Jason Bateman starts asking how things have been, if I'm seeing anyone, etc. I don't want to answer but at this point I'm too intrigued not to so I keep the conversation going a bit longer.

Me: So what made you drop me a line?
JB: Always thought u were sweet. Wanted to talk
Me: Ok. So are you seeing anyone?
JB: Yea, i am
Me: Congrats. How long have you been dating your girlfriend?
JB: Bout 14 months

At this point I don't answer Jason Bateman back. You remember me being sweet a year after the fact. Did you tell your girlfriend how sweet I am? I doubt it. Does she know you are sending your picture to me? Probably not. Jerkface. I remember what an ass you turned out to be and I'm sure that she would like to know too. I'm guessing that she is the reason that we never went out in the first place. She can have you. I don't need sloppy seconds.