Thursday, August 21, 2008

Two birds, one stone.

So I'm not going to go into a whole lot of detail here because Canadian Bacon reads this. Let me just say that what could have been very good, ended up being very bad. At the very least we are still friends and I wish CB the best of luck. And on a side note Canadian bacon is not real bacon. It's an impostor. Don't let them fool you.

Now on to the guy that was supposed to get my mind off of CB. I met The Flying Opossum through an online dating site. I'm really starting to see a pattern emerge here. Meet a guy, go out a few times (if ever) and then the crazy emerges.

The Flying Opossum
contacts me last Monday. We send a few emails back and forth and then exchange phone numbers. Let me just tell you from experience if you have the option to either exchange email addresses or phone numbers or heck, even both, never let them know your last name. It's the only line of defense you have. So we talk and set something up for Friday night. I'm really looking forward to this.

Friday night we meet for dinner and have a few beers at this outside mall/movie theater place. Things are going pretty good so he asks if I want to go over to the car show across the street. I like cars. I don't know much about them but they are pretty to look at. While walking around looking at the cars he grabs my hand and holds onto it. Too cute. We spend around 30 minutes looking at cars but the highlight of that part of the evening, at least for me, was the monkey. Seriously. I saw a monkey! A real, live one that was sitting on some lady's shoulder. I wanted to go pet it but then scared myself into not doing it. Especially since it was the same kind of monkey that carried the deadly virus that was in the movie Outbreak and Dustin Hoffman wasn't around to save me. (Over-active imagination hard at work here folks.)

We go back over and buy tickets for a showing of The Dark Knight. Since we have some time to kill before the movie The Flying Opossum and I go grab another drink. I get a fruity fru-fru drink and he orders the same. Kinda lame but whatever. There's a stereotype for you. This is my second time seeing The Dark Knight and I was still really focused on it. He did the good 'ole reliable yawn and stretch and put his arm around me. I wanted to be all like "Don't bother me, this movie is fantastic," but I didn't. I was nice about it. The night ends with a light kiss on the lips. Not my usual style but at the time I wasn't too upset about it.

Saturday he texts me and asks me if I want to come to a cookout he is having on Sunday. I say sure. The Flying Opposum then tells me that it is going to be me, him, and his parents. I don't want to do this yet but the "angels" on my shoulder tell me that I should. Sunday was good but it wasn't. I ended up spending my first 45 minutes alone with The Flying Opposum's mother at his apartment. He is really into anything that deals with aviation and planes and his apartment was decorated accordingly. Oh the reason he wasn't there when I got there? The FO had some car trouble that him and his dad had to go take care of. His parents are nice country people. I have friends that are country people. After meeting his parents I can never ever make fun of those friends again. Pets The FO had while growing up: squirrels, raccons, opposums, rats, mice, guinea pigs, other small rodents, a miniature donkey, cats, and the list goes on. His mom still rescues opposums. I'm sorry but I can't find anything cute about them. Their pointy nose and their shrewd beady eyes, not to mention the naked tail. Eww. And his dad talked like that coach from The Waterboy that noone can understand but it wasn't that bad...yet.

We have dinner, I serve dessert and then as a group go to tour his office. Whoa. Isn't this a bit too much a bit too fast. We just met I am not your girlfriend. His parents leave and he wants me to stay longer and watch a movie. I got to pick so was all like "Sure." I pick a movie that I hadn't seen and he all tries to make out with me while it's on. I look at him and as nicely as I can tell him that he is distracing me and I really want to see this. He is starting to move just a bit fast for me here and is kind of creeping me out.

Monday night I hear from him so we make plans for Wednesday night. He also wants to know what I'm doing so that we can go out. That night. Isn't that a bit last minute and a little much. He wants to know what I'm doing Tuesday night. Seriously. He also had some lewd comments to make about the exercises that I was doing while talking to him. Not going to get into it but when I called him out on it he had nothing good to say. I cancelled our date on Wednesday.

I am not desperate. I am not looking for someone who has to be with me every single second of every single day. I like it when a man comes on strong but there is a line and it was crossed. From now on creepers need not apply.


Jenny, the Bloggess said...

Let me ask you you pronounce the O in opossum? Because I don't but I always feel like I should.

I may have missed the point of your story.

Single in Cincy said...

I don't pronounce it but feel as though I should too.

Guys are given nicknames based on conversations we have had, where they are from, what they do, or who they are. This guy just happened to love anything that dealt with flying and his mom rescues opossums. There isn't really a point to any of the stories. They are just fun to tell. :)

Pickle said...

First let me say I love your blog! Great stories I can definitely relate to.

And gotta say, I have the same issues with the last few guys I've dated. Fast lane to a relationship. What's the deal lately? Not that I'm not flattered, I'd maybe rather a guy want more from me than just one thing, but what ever happened to slowly dating? It's a shame.

Ah, well. Kudos to you for calling it quits right away. I always have a hard time cutting things off for some reason.

Ninja Warrior said...

I love that you used my nickname but I am disappointed you did not consult me on the FO nickname. As your head writer/consultant I would have advised you to just go with possum.

Live, Love, then move to Utah... said...

I like the Flying Opposum nickname. It gives me a great visual to giggle at. And I need visuals. Lots of them. Especially from my favorite blogger. See, I do use the internet on occasion. It's not just a myth in Mormonville :D

Seth said...

Want to go with me to an impromptu date? Good. I'll behave well, or I could bring my mom along if you like.